Wednesday, May 4, 2011

that's my mamma

I come from what would be called a broken family. My father and my biological mother divorced when I was like two years old. My dad married my step mom I’m not sure how many years later. My father and my stepmother raised me. When I casually say ma I am referring to my stepmother. I don’t have the same connection with my biological mother; in fact I would go as far to say there is a very tense connection with her. I cringe when I see that my phone is ringing and her nickname comes up. For the record I do not hate my biological mother, I am numb to her. You see anytime I try and let her in and include her she inevitably hurts me, crushes me makes me feel like a five year old kid. This kind of stuff has happened enough over my years that I no longer expect anything from her. BUT I feel incredible sorry for her, there are times when my cold little stone heart softens just a little bit and I feel genuinely sad for/about her. She has missed so much of my life due to the fact that she is just not available. I hope the best for her and I hope that one day she finds what she is looking for. Sadly I don’t think she’ll ever find it. Side note she is a hoarder to a crazy extent. She has multiple storage spaces filled with crap literally all around the state of Illinois. Because of this I am the opposite of a hoarder… a minimalist. If I’m not using it I throw it out.
My stepmother or Ma is the woman who raised me. She picked me up and dropped me off at school. She stayed up with me through all of my sicknesses. You know all of the things that Moms do, she has always done that and beyond. Even if I live two hundred more years I would never be able to show her how much I appreciate everything she has done for me. Awesome lady for someone obsessed with Elvis and Unicorns. Yep Unicorns.
I also now have a mother-in-law who is the nicest kindest most caring version of a mom I have ever met. She is awesome and I will actually be spending part of mother’s day with her.
I will not see my biological mother this weekend. There will be a half hearted call where I will fake my way through listening to how horrible her life is and how she hasn’t seen me since last September. Uggh. Am I a bad son?
Why so serious right?
Oh everything worked out with the bicycle they replaced the free wheel and as far as I can tell so far it’s riding like a charm. I wonder how long I will be able to keep this bike shiny and new.
Real quick. I have recently been thinking how I will and could never be super successful. I get along too great with my dad. I think he is the most awesome dude in the world. He has been my hero since I was a little shorty cutting 2x4 s in the backyard while building whatever. It seems like all successful people have daddy issues. Oh well good thing I am good at being average. I say this with my head held high.
Call your parents tell them thank you. I know they have a holiday each coming up but calling them ahead of time will rock their world.

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