This ol' highway's getting longer

No one ever told me that as I got older I would start to stink all the time. I mean yeah they told me right around the time of puberty that I would need to start using deodorant and just a touch of cologne would make me smell ok. I shower on a regular basis sometimes two or three a day depending on the temperature. I ride my bike to work at around 6:15 am everyday, so far I have been lucky and it hasn’t been too hot so with a little toweling off I have been able to coast through to my mid day workout. No matter what I do down there in the gym I have to shower, because I sweat a lot. Then I ride home and by the time I get home I am soaked in sweat, regardless of how fast or slow I pedal. The thing is every once in a while I can’t help but think I still smell just a little. I take the steps to try and smell all right but sometimes I have the slight smell. Maybe it’s the food I eat. I’m scared what will happen, as I get older.

Secondly as the hair on the top of my head seem to get thinner the hair that is growing out of my ears and nose seems to get thicker and more aggressive. I have been trimming it to the best of my ability but the hair in my ears seems like it is growing at a cartoon rate. Why did no one tell me this was going to happen, they all told me about shaving and all that but suddenly I have insane hair growing out of both ears. It’s pretty disgusting to tell you the truth. You ladies don’t know how easy you have it. At least you can easily get to all the parts you have to maintain. Magazines and movies have created these standards that are just impossible for a man to live up to.

My joints also hurt all the freaking time. It is more of a surprise if my kneecaps do not feel like someone has come along and cracked them with a baseball bat.

Also I keep on second guessing if I have done things, like say I’m halfway to work I panic and think did I put the milk away, did I lock the door, did I pack pants for work. I also can no longer hear anything. If I do go out and we are sitting in a place where loud music is playing I guarantee you that I will not hear sixty percent of what you have told me. I’ll try to squint my eyes and turn my head toward you but a lot of the conversation will be lost, the other half will be filtered through all of the hair.

At least it's almost dinner time then time for bed right after Wheel of Fortune