cause every now and then I kick the living shit out of me

Well my streak of goodness has come to an end. Saturday I got all liquored up and spent hours walking around trying to figure out how I put myself in these situations. I have come to the conclusions that I am insane. There is always a potential for me to go completely crazy and wipe out all of the good things I do with stupid actions. I spend a lot of time talking shit about how people go out and get all hammer headed and act like fools and then the first chance I get I go out and act like a fool. It’s annoying. I am trying to be the best version of myself possible but there is another side of me that just tries to destroy all the good stuff I do. How am I supposed to sit up on my high horse and judge people if I am acting like an idiot? To make matters worse my hangovers now consist of guilt and panic, I feel uneasy and kind of sad. It used to be that the day after I felt sick I called everyone I called the night before and things would get better. I feel regret and nervousness in my gut. I feel like I have let myself down again. I have a problem-balancing going out and having a good time with going out and staying out.

I didn’t do anything bad I just didn’t go home when my wife did which lead to me being locked out of the condo do to some faulty communication and numerous drunk dials. After spending the night out and about I was finally let in only to waste most of our day being mad at each other. Over the course of the day we made up but I still feel bad about the whole argument. How do you argue with someone who is upset that you are acting like a drunken asshole?I do have quite a bad record of getting injured while drunk and out in public.

Ugh.

I guess I have to start the calendar all over again and hope that I put a couple of months between my next drunken occurrence. As of this Saturday I will be a temporary south snider. Hopefully I keep my nose clean the whole time I’m over there.

Got to go I’m going to spend the rest of today and tomorrow feeling like a chump. Hope y’all had a better weekend than I did.