In hanging out with my in-laws I have been drinking in how sweet my wife’s mom is. I mean she may very well be the kindest sweetest woman that I have ever met in my life. Each day I talk with her I enjoy how easy it is just to talk with her about nothing at all. In the early mornings as we are waiting for the bus to go to the train I kind of smile as I watch her say hello to all the people in the neighborhood, the bus drivers and even fellow Metra riders. Watching all this makes it easy seeing where my wife gets her sweet side.
This has lead me to thinking about my biological mother and how I really know absolutely nothing about her. Looking back I haven’t seen her since my niece’s baptism maybe about six months ago. I do not make much of an effort to see her due to fact that there has always been a gigantic disconnect between us. I often think how strange it is that she gave birth to me yet I feel like she is a total stranger. The only real mother quality I can give to her is that she has a very strong ability to rip my soul out and dance all over it emotionally killing me. The weird thing is no matter how many times she screws up or hurts me at the end of the day I always feel sorry for her. She has this weird sadness around her that kind of freaks me out. Even when I was young I could feel the sadness that surrounds her. It’s like she is destined not to be happy. Sometimes I wish I could be a better person and not get hung up on the fact that she walked out on my dad, brothers, and I all those many years ago. I wish that I could forget all the weekends that she said she would come and pick us up and then just not show up. The weird thing is that I wasn’t mad at her for not showing up for me but how sad it made my little brother. But when I do see her at the random times now I am turned into a little confused kid which usually ends with me acting rude and maybe kind of like a dickhead.
In all reality her leaving was probably the best thing that ever happened to my family. My dad met my step mom who ended up raising us and molding us into the weirdoes that we would become. I shudder to think what would have happened if she stayed married to my dad. My step mom did a great job loving us and showing me that not all people are assholes. She may not have always been the softest person but under that gruff exterior she is about as soft as they get.
So as I hang with my mother in-law I’ll enjoy how sweet, soft and kind she is. I’ll try to take her advice that everything happens for a reason and I’ll try to be as forgiving as she seems to be. I’m still learning as I stumble through this life, I’m glad I continue to be surrounded by awesome people.
For the record I love all of my moms. Biological, Step and In-law, this has just been an underlying thought lately and I felt puking it out here might clear out some of the gunk.
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