F@#k you and your cat

There are groups of people that I just can’t stand that I have been running into lately that really annoy the crap out of me. The two main offenders are cat people and people who smoke the marijuana. If you combine those two groups then it is even more annoying. If I hear one more story about how someone spends a couple grand on Kitty Chemo sessions, blood transfusions or some other cat based human medical procedure I’m going to knock the joint out of the person’s hand, smack them in the face and tell them how they can get a brand new cat for basically free. I hate cats. I used to think maybe kittens were all right but you know what they grow up to be cats so no your kitten is stupid and annoying too. They are a useless animals they do not need you at all, if you die and are laying on the floor that cat will start to eat you after a while like maybe a day into your recent passing away. I’ll just say it they are plain evil; they change regular people into weirdoes. No one wants to hear how Mr. Mittens just doesn’t like company and that is why he sits in the corner hissing at you. I don’t want to see pictures, watch video, or listen to a story about the wacky thing your cat did. Also when I come over for foods please don’t think it’s ok for your cat to paw up the dips, chips, or other potential food that will ideally make it to my mouth. I don’t think it’s adorable I think it’s disgusting. I have hyper crazy allergies; I don’t want your cat to come sit on my face, lap, and walk around my feet. I see that he knows I hate him that’s what he’s torturing me put him in another room; better yet I’ll stay at home.

Secondly I get it smoking pot is so cool, everyone does it and it’s not really a drug and blah blah blah. I guess I’m just a square, I don’t like it, and I hate hanging out with people that do smoke weed. I hate the look that comes across a persons face when I tell them I’m not interested. I just came to have some beers, maybe a few shots but that’s it I have no interest. I don’t need to be explained to how pot is good and it comes from the earth and everyone smokes it. I don’t care. I think it’s more the whole attitude that goes with pot smoking. The long silences, the hunger, the listen to jam bands, the slowed reactions. Yes funny on film but try having a serious conversation with someone that has just smoked some KIND. Ughh. No thanks. I’d rather just smash my head into a wall. I never appreciated the whole hippie ness that goes with the weed lifestyle. You can keep it. I guess the thing that annoys me most is so many people just assume that I’m totally down with the weed. I’m not; I just talk slow and stupid naturally. So quit bogarding that and…. what of a shiny whatchamacallit. I’m hungry man