If what they say is true and you are only as old as you feel then I am truly fucked. Most times they are right so I must actually be like eighty-four years old. For the passed two days there is something going on in my stomach that has been causing me great discomfort and also has made my temper flair at weird times. The most annoying part about this stomach deal is it is not like it’s a good old fashioned cramp or shooting pain it’s like a bloat but not. I have convinced myself that it is some form of gas and am quite sure it will pass at the most inconvenient of times, like when I’m in the elevator and it stops on every floor as I am trying to leave for home. I am also constantly sleepy, it’s like I can’t catch up, and I went to sleep right after dinner last night. I’m hoping this will pass and I can get back to my normal annoyingly happy self because as of right now I am annoying the hell out of myself.
While I’m going on about how I feel old I realize I AM OLD. I am almost thirty-six years old; this is the age when people start saying well he’s almost forty and FORTY is old. Forty is the age that you are suppose to have your shit together by or you become the guy that people talk about when they get together at their back yard BBQs. With this in mind I have about four years to get my shit together, but obviously the sooner the better.
Oh and I cannot stand people under the age of thirty. I work in a building that employs what I can only imagine is people right out of college. The company is wildly successful but the thousands of annoying whippersnappers that work for them make me want to go crazy. They destroy the gym locker room leaving towels all over the place, like their mom is going to come in and clean up after them. They also stand around in groups and go on and on about stupid shit that is only broken up by high fives and other bro speak. I am not even sure what the packs of girls are speaking because it only sounds like pop, clicks, and screeches broken up with OMGs and eye rolls. Oh and if they are all out walking in a herd it is one of the worst things that can happen in the world. They are like a flock of sheep or something moving at a snails pace that makes you want to cattle prod then to get their Asses moving and out of your way. An elevator trip is made worse because now it stops at every floor and these Mongoloid have to yell out (fill in last name here) wassup!! Then compare which deal they are working on or something. There is one dude in particular that is one of my archenemies right now he rides his bike in arrives at the same time as me but is ALWAYS in my way. He’s a longhaired douche and I want to punch him in the stomach and cut his hair off and then maybe pee my stinking old man urine all over him.
I also don’t understand the dressing habits of these morons. I hate hate hate the winter hat in summer. I hate the scarf-wearing male, I hate. Ugh my stomach hurts and I have to cut this short. Did I mention I’m always going to the bathroom and my booty hole is constantly itching like I feel the only relief will come from dragging my asshole across the carpet like one of those bad dogs?
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