whoomp der it is

Back in the day my family used to really celebrate Christmas. The extended family would get together  and exchange gifts and all the kids would play while adults did whatever adults did. Then Christmas was downsized to just immediate family exchanging gifts. Then money got tight and to not make each other feel bad we decided to fit out gifts and just hang out. Now my mom works and it has become a floating holiday. Well I gott cut this short the school bells ringing. Be good out there kids.

everythings already been done and we don't know what we want

I'm gonna start this out by yelling out how much in love I am with Flaca. She is an amazing woman and I'm pretty sure I would not be sitting in her car typing this if it wasn't for her. When I first saw the ad for this job I emailed her and asked what she thought and if she thought I should appl. Without hesitations she said if I thought I wanted to do it I should apply and she would support me all the way. Through the long process she kept mepositive and even tutored me before one of the test so that I finally knew enough about percentages to do well on the written test. Late nights when I would have nervous breakdowns positive that I would not make it the next phase she would listen to me and then assure me I would be fine and would make it through never losing patience with me. Even now as I panic about how much money this is costing to start she reassures meit will be fine. While some seem to question me doing this she is my biggest supporter I am truly lucky kid and I hope y'all
or do have a cheerleader like Flaca. Be careful out there its slick

the shaving razors cold and it stings

So flaca and i went to that screeching weasel show last month and while there she bought me a new sw shirt and hoodie. When I'm not in my school uniform I am often wearing them as we hustle around doing our chores. People read my shirt and say screeching weasels  and  make funny faces. It makes me more happy than I can even begin to explain. Its like thee 90s all over again. I know these are short but I gotta go to school and I'm typing it on my little phone. Have a great weekend kids

yes i did yes i did won't someone tell them who the f i is

snow is melting on the windshield.im watching people roll up for what will be the beginning of week seven. So far it is an awesome tough trip. I'm loving every minute of it and flaca has been saving my ass a lot. We are homesick for the north side and can't wait to start looking for our place in spring. I gotta go to school.just wanted to stop by and tells y'all to be good out there

how come patsy cline don't put out no new records

This is a test to see if this thing is even working. Tonight I will take field trip to see what a night of the new gig will be like. I will be working in what will likely be the first  of many  nights But tonight will  be merely a taste test of the insanity to come. There has been a lot of yelling at me this week . Which is suppose to get me ready  for the big show. I have not made many  friends with the other peeps in my class  yet  but in all reality it took me a long time at my last job too. I have to go do some chores before I go to work
Be good out there kids . I don't  want to see you at my job tonight .

No color left but black and white And soon will all turn grey

Well it’s here kids I am at my last day in regular ole Cube Ville U.S.A. I am wrapping stuff up and working just enough to look busy until I can leave for the day and run out the doors and not look back. To say I’m excited does not even begin to explain how I feel. There are definitely people that I am going to miss here but the kick in the balls over load of work will not be missed at all. I will miss some of the freedoms that this place has given me. I know for a fact I would not have been able to get away with eighty percent of the shenanigans I have while here. I mean are there a lot of places where you can hang out and write a rambling blog about how much you hate your job? I’m kind of bummed because I’m not sure how often I’ll be stopping by here to whine to you all about my mediocre little life that I am living. I’m hoping to find a way to continue this thing especially since I have gotten so used to just coming here and cyber puking the things that pop in my head.

I also realized today as I was walking in I will have no reason to come to downtown Chicago anymore. My classes are out in the blurbs, I’m currently living on the Southside, my parents live on the northwest side of Chicago and I am not a downtown hanger outer. So today will be my last commute to a building down here. Weird. I also can’t help but think of how much my life has changed in the eight and a half years I have worked here. It makes me wonder what my life will be like eight years from now. I’m hoping I will be a homeowner, hopefully have a child maybe two, and you know depending how one goes. I wonder if I’ll hating on my job and wishing there was something else I was doing.

Oh and in true random form I am totally over that show with Paul, Vincent, Ronald, Michael, Samantha, Nicole, Jennifer and that weird special needs thing that was added when the other one left. I miss when that show was kind of innocently dirty well maybe not innocent but almost believably real TV. You know when they were not any kind of celebrities’ type people. It just annoys the crap of me to watch that show now. I can’t even tell you the last time I watched a whole episode of it.

If you want to watch some good TV that I try to enjoy

1.Breaking Bad-Watch from beginning catch up. Best show I have ever seen (better than that smoke monster land stories t.v show that ended poorly)

2. Dexter- Watch from beginning- Good and bad. Mostly good. Mike C. Hall great

3.Walking Dead- Watch first Season- Start watching second season this weekend

4. Workaholics-This show is so Fn’ funny I can’t believe it’s on CC

5.Always Sunny in Philadelphia- I think this show paved the way for other TV show out there

6.The League-It’s about fantasy football-I don’t have any interest in FF or most real football but I LOVE this show. Usually follows A.S.i.P.

7.Storage Wars-I am not kidding. Just be careful if you get caught up in a marathon of SW you will be there for many hours before you know it.

8.Mad Men-Watch from beginning- Be caught up by the time it starts in 2012

9.Nurse Jackie-HBO has a hit with this show. Start from beginning catch up before the new season starts.

I couldn’t think of a ten.

Ok I have to go it’s inching up on noon and I need to start deleting all the crap off my desk and saving e-mails and all that. I’m not sure when I’ll be back to update this but know that I will stop by here and there.Think of me doing pushups and getting yelled at as you sit in your warm comfortable cubicle this winter

AND OF COURSE  

Be good out there. Talk to stranger and drink just enough to keep life interesting. Start riding your bike that car is making you look lame.

Oh and "cool dudes" get rid of the staches. Is it bad that I want to shave all the mustaches of those Krochet Kids Guys.

Man they grind my gears

Tah

and I love everyone waiting here for me. yes I DO

As we strolled out of the train stop today Flaca asked me if I ever imagined that I would be working my last few days at this job. Honestly I wasn’t sure to tell y’all the truth. In fact I was kind of sure that I was destined to be a lifer here and I was always going to be that person that you hear bitching about their job and how much it sucks and how they could be doing so much more and then when you ask them what they want to do they stammer stutter and kind of trail off until admitting they don’t know... ALL they know is their job sucks. (Sulks away walks up to stranger man my job sucks…)

I’m sure there will be plenty of things to hate at the new job. I mean there is that whole criminal element, the feeling that people hate you, and I’m sure there will be hundreds of people with bad habits that drive me crazy. I’m still enjoying romanticizing the whole new prospect of a totally different job scene. I’m also a little nervous about meeting a whole new group of people. I have become very comfortable with the insane people I work with and I’m sure at a certain point I’ll miss a lot of these knuckleheads. I just hope that I can make some new friends at the new gig. I mean I know I’m likeable and all but getting the chance to create a whole new clean slate personality has me a little nervous. None of these people will know about how I got so trashed at the holiday party, none of these people will know anything about me. Which is actually kind of cool,

I have to cut this short for now. There’s a pizza party in my honor and I have to fill out my exit interview. (rubs hands together sinisterly)

Be good. Enjoy a weeknight box of wine tonight.

Until tomorrow Two tah’s

i know that things are gonna change. I know you're never coming back to this town

Holy shit balls I’m still at work. I’m not working but I am checking in as I wait for my boss to finish up stuff so we can go head over to Kobra Fitness to get a work out in. I have like two or three classes left and I want to use them before I lose them. I really like this workout it kicks me squaw in the ass every single time I do it. As I get closer to my end of days here I realize that this also means that I won’t get to do work outs with M Squared anymore. He was awesome at helping me get into shape and always challenged me to push harder. In fact when I first started working out with him I could not do five push-ups. If I’m being honest I couldn’t do one legit good push up. Although I never achieved being able to do a pull up… I’ll have to get into that another time.

Pull ups my arch nemesis

 You know how they have that show Rob and Big, I kind of feel like that was a TV version of us. Medium Mike was my boss but he is also a cool dude and I hope that I keep in touch with him after I take off out of here. I’m not the best at keeping in touch after I leave jobs. I’m not on facebook so that doesn’t help.

What’ve. I have to go change into my work out gear.

Oh and the real kick in the balls is I thought for eighty percent of the day it was Thursday.

Do some push ups my dough friends

but we try to keep the prices low for records and our shows

I am so ready to put this in my rearview. I am trying to stay level headed and not walk around with thee I could give two shits less attitude but it is quite a task to leave gracefully. I am so excited to see what things will be like starting next week. I am nervous and scared and excited to see what it will be like as I begin training for the new job. At this point I have absolutely no information to share about what is coming my way. I all I know is there will be sixteen weeks of academy then I will be assigned to the department of corrections for at least two years. Then ideally I will test out and get into a better position. So much for getting out of the entry-level positions but I am hoping this is the start of my career.

I’m guessing that I will not be visiting this little space of the interwebs too much for a while, but if I can find a way I will share my adventures here and there. Ideally I will finally have something more interesting to talk about. You know more than just how madly in love with Flaca I am or how I drank too much or whatever else I whine about here on a regular basis. I’m not sure but maybe you will have heard the last of my whiney about TPS reports.

My desk is a mess and I’m trying to get it cleaned off before I go.

Oh and in great news I finally have my I-pod back with some of my music on. My lil S.i.L. Vespa was not able to put all of the music back on there yet but I have enough to keep me occupied and provide a good soundtrack as I start running again to get back into shape. I guarantee that this little thing will contain more about my struggle to get back into shape, my start of my new job, HOPEFULLY starting to look for a house in spring and maybe if I get that house the start of the Punkerson family tree.

I have stopped writing this three times today and have decided to just post this. I hope y’all are having a great start to the week.

Get out there and enjoy this injun summer

oh and did you know that I ALWAYS want to say thee instead of the. AND I like to say Nike like Mike and Like.

getting silly. two tahs

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah (x3)

As of today I have four working days left at the place where I have drawn paychecks from for the last eight years. I find it insanely hard to believe that I have been here for eight years especially since I almost didn’t make it through my first two weeks here. I landed at this job through an employer placement program. I had been hunting for a job to jump to since the company I was working for was moving to Downers Grove. That was not an option for me so I went wild trying to find any job that would take me. When I came to interview I was automatically surprised at how much younger everyone was. The office was crazy awesome and had great views of the city that I love. At every office job I had worked I was the youngest and most windows were tinted so that it always looked like it was raining or just shitty weather out. So when I was offered the job here I jumped at it. Within a week I was overwhelmed and under trained and constantly having work piled on my desk. I had no clue how to complete my tasks and I felt that I never completed anything. I had a pretty good feeling that my supervisor hated me and no one in the office ever talked to me. One day I was working late and had a nervous breakdown. I started writing up my letter of resignation. One of the people that worked near me stopped by my desk to see why I was still there and I just went crazy about how I didn’t know what I was doing and how I hated it here and all that cry baby shit. They talked me down and said give it a month. It got a little easier but there was never a sense of accomplishment. Next I almost drank my way out of the job because I was a young idiot that thought it made perfect sense to stay out till last call on school nights and still attempt to go to work. That was weird and I cannot even imagine if I still lived like that. In fact lately I have a hard time staying up till eleven. Pretty boring I know. But now I’m at the end of my time hear and I still feel like I have never truly finished one thing. In fact they just landed a huge client that has all taxes in a majority of my states with a due date of 11.1.2011. So my last four days here will be freaking busy. I will walk away feeling like I accomplished nothing at all. I will leave this job and within months everything I have worked on will be handled by someone else, so the headache will be his or hers.

I’m starting to get nervous about my new job. Mostly because I have no clue what to expect.

I apologize now for next week when I get repetitive and even more boring. I can’t sit here and fuck off any longer shits popping off and annoying the shit out of me.

Drink a few too many beers for me this weekend. But don’t drive that’s just fucking lame.

i hear a train a comin' It's rollin' 'round the bend

I went and bought a bunch of my uniform stuff and some of the equipment that I need to have purchased by the time I start academy. Even though I prepared myself to spend the cash there was still that feeling as they slid the credit card through of “holy shit this is really real” Yes it was real when I sent in my application eighteen months ago, Yes it was real when I went in to take my first written test after studying fractions and percentages with Flaca all night because math has always been my weakness. It became a little more real when the letter inviting me to the physical tests arrived last October. But it wasn’t “that real” because I was keeping it a secret from everyone in my family. I didn’t want it to be the fire fighter thing all over again. Then it got a little less real when I started working that job in retail last year. I mean I thought about it all the time but working two jobs trying to save for our future house this job seemed so far away. Then in February I received a call informing me to pick up my background investigation packet. That made it kind of real again because I let more people in on what I was up to but kept a lot of the details under wraps. I returned my packet and it became a little less real again but some people from work knew about it so it was kind of like fake real.  Then there was a weird slow down where I was sure it wouldn’t work out and I wouldn’t make it any further. Then I was invited to the 2^nd PAT test and that was cool I thinking I ran the fastest I have in a while that day. That was in August. After that things went great and of course it ends with me looking at the start date of my academy. Finally Flaca and I have been able to tell everyone that I am starting my career change into law enforcement. It took me thirty-five years but I finally think I figured out what I want to be. I’m looking at this as my new beginning into something that can be very promising for me. Sliding that credit card through somehow made it seem more real. It was quite pricey for the stuff I bought and I still have more stuff to get. Good thing Flaca whipped me into shape and I finally got my first credit card last year. It is making it a hell of a lot easier to buy all the stuff I need.

In the meantime I am in that weird part of work where I know I’m leaving. The future and all the madness that will be packed in around it is just out of sight and my time at this madhouse is winding down. I just hope I am making the right decision with this career move. At this point I say one hundred percent yes but I hope I don’t become one of those burn out harden types. I don’t often get nervous about too many things. It is my curiosity about how things that will play out that have me anxious. I just want to provide a good life for my wife and for my imaginary children that will hopefully come to be once I get a house for Flaca.

All right I’m getting off track here. I bought most of my uniform and some of my gear. Next I just have to get my supplies for class and some new running shoes. It is all crazy expensive for some reason. I’m not so much nervous a excited and maybe a little scared.

This is stolen but I think it sums up my thoughts

if you can't find a partner use a wooden chair

I have started this entry about forty-five times today. Yesterday I went to my orientation for the job that I have been rambling on and on about for I’m not even sure how long by now. Well the great news is I was finally offered the position and will officially be leaving my job here in exciting old cube Ville in two weeks time. In an odd turn of events I have handled this professionally. Last night Flaca helped me type up a letter of resignation that did not include the lines “fuck you, fuck you, your cool, and FUCK you” For the first time ever I am leaving the matches and gasoline in storage and not torching my bridges behind me.So far. I am actually still trying to handle my workload but I have to admit it is just a tad bit harder to concentrate now that my Shawshank redemption has arrived.

My next step is to buy my uniforms and whatnot so that I am ready for the academy in two weeks. It seems that maybe moving in with my in-laws was a great move since now I am about twenty-five minutes from the place where I will be taking classes for the next sixteen weeks.

So my inter webs whining may slow down for a while as I figure out exactly what is going on as I make my career change. But I have a good feeling that I’ll finally have more to talk about than TPS reports and how horrible it is that people stink up the community kitchen.

Be good out there kids. I do NOT want to see you at my new job.    

Your hair it smells like cottage cheese it makes me wobbly at the knees

You know when you are watching those cooking shows and the chick that is cooking the food tastes her own cooking and goes absolutely bonkers saying it is the best thing she has ever tasted. When that happens it makes me so mad. Is there ever a cook that is going to say, “Holy shit this is terrible” But to go on and on about how awesome their cooking is that really grinds my gears. It’s not like I finish a report and then go holy shit that is just about the prettiest most special report that has ever been completed. I mean I understand taking pride in your work but fake orgasming over your frittatas pull it in freak show.

I also never trust a skinny person if they are telling me something tastes awesome. I will definitely listen to a mid sized person that you can tell likes food. I will automatically go and buy the food if gigantic lards tell me this is the best thing they ever ate.

I’m in a saucy kind of mean mood right now. Monday I am attending orientation to find out what my next step is in my long process. This means there is still a chance that I can get turned away at the doors and all of my forward momentum will have been for naught. I am excited and scared about the new potential job. There is a whole hell of a lot that I don’t know about what I am getting myself involved in and I hope that I don’t regret switching jobs if I do get it. As much as this job drives me crazy and I always complain about it I am surrounded by a lot of people who are actually pretty all right.

But the potential of a new job and a total different career trajectory outweighs staying here with the potential of the company folding if the economy tanks again.

The weekend isn’t completely booked which is cool. Flaca and I are running a 5K in Bucktown on Sunday. I have not run a race since shamrock shuffle. In fact I have not just gone out on a run in quite a while. Maybe now that fall is here I will get out there and jog a little bit around the new neighborhood. Abuelita’s cooking and the deserts are starting to take the toll on my gut. Some of my comfy pants are a little snug and my chin is starting to hang a little lower than I like it to. Plus for me running in the fall is about as good as it gets.

Well I got to go I’m going to hit the flower shop and surprise flaca. Let her know that I still have some kind of clue what romance is and that I can be surprisingly romantic.

Ladies be good to your men. Men be great to your lady. You’re both crazy. She just shows it more.

Singletons go out there and talk to strangers or not what the hell do I know

you got the horse race;you got the dog race; you got the human-race BUT this is a rat race, Rat Race!

That feeling when you can feel the blood boiling in your ears, your face is so red you find it hard to believe that the person in front of you spouting off words about customer courtesy, using better judgment, taking the lead and being an expert on this particular task. I’m there. Right now. My teeth are grinding out and it is taking all of my energy not to just say, “shut the fuck up you complete fucking Fucktard” How many times have you wanted to just start say “blah blah blah “ while making the hand puppet that goes with it as someone tries to push work off on to you. I literally just had this co-worker break down to the very beginning of time what we do. He explained every single thing in the talk slow so I don’t stutter talk. Being that I have absolutely no poker face, I’m sure that he could tell that I was saying go fuck yourself. It took a lot to not just go off on him. He may feel that he was victorious in this battle, and now that I think about it he was but I will be successful in the war. His parting statement to me was “use your better judgment” to which I replied “my better judgment” through clenched teeth. Do you have any idea where my fucking judgment has gotten me? You want me to use my judgment for something that care absolutely nothing about.

So much for just trying to coast through to what hopefully is my last days at this wonderful place that has employed me for all these years. I can’t even begin to guess what my next job has in store for me.

I can hear this guy at his desk yelling on the phone in his whiney almost Kermit voice. He is one of those people that just farms the work out all day long and then uses all those corporate catch phrases “point person, expert, FUCK”

Pay attention in school kids. Get a skill. Yes you can be an actor, singer, prostitute, artist, poet, pot dealer, sports analyst, newspaper columnist, comedian, and celebrity chef but get a skill. Something anything that will save you from a long list of entry-level office worker jobs. It is not entry level if you are still in the same position eight years later.

Ugh! Still pissed gotta go.

So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

I have spent a large part of my life putting my past in my rearview window. I realized this even more last night as I was having a conversation about where I went to high school compared to where I lived. I was able to choose my high school and I chose one that was just about as far away from my grade school as I could think of. Of course there was still a few of my grade school peeps there but for the most part I was going to be able to be given a chance to reinvent myself as I had been lead to believe you were able to do in high school. By the time high school was over I created a pretty crappy personality that was fitting of a teen stumbling into adulthood. I went to a junior college down the street from my high school, which was a pretty bad choice. All the assholes that I had thought were going away to their colleges were right there with me. Y’all know how that played out and I started working jobs.

I made some tweaks to my persona but one of the annoying worst habits I picked up was drinking. I was never good at it, in fact I was/am terrible at it. As years have gone by I have spaced out the amount of times that I slip into my old drunken fool persona which is  really freaking annoying, but I carry the guilt, disgust and low feelings around for a long time afterwards.

Well I’m going to work on changing my persona one more time. Things are changing over in Punkersonville and I am going to prepare myself to meet the challenges head on. I want to be able to hold my head up high and know that people have not had to deal with drunken slurred out shouts from a wasted Wick at weird times of the night.  I want to live up to the high standard that I hold everybody else up to. I think my old drunk routine can be retired for a while.

I may have some good news next week. Well I know I have some good news but I’ll have definite answers. My Shawshank Redemption Plan is coming together and on Monday morning I will get full details. I won’t go on much more but I think I can say that I will be leaving this part of my life in my rearview very soon. I am insanely optimistic that this will be an excellent change in my life.

Hopefully yesterday will contain the last whiney annoying pity party that is thrown after I have over indulged. Hopefully.

As for now it’s back to TPS reports. I haven’t told anyone I work with yet. Mostly because I’m not sure what to tell them .

Here’s to getting what you want. Go get it kids

he's just a stereotype

Yep. Asshole. I ruined our anniversary Sunday. It had all the makings of a glorious day. Flaca bought me tickets for the bike tour that ended at a brewery out in Lake Bluff. It was great but I drank too much too fast. Things spun out of control. I wandered the streets trying to figure out what my problem is. I’m trying to be the best but I fall. I didn’t go out with people from work on Friday because I wanted Sunday to be perfect. This will definitely go in the files as the worst anniversary ever. Another event forever tainted by my inability to handle my booze.

Luckily we had yesterday off and I was able to sort through the mess a little. But the story plays out the same way it has for years. I am going to rehab myself AGAIN. I’m going to refocus my attentions get my shit together and try to be the husband flaca deserves not this real life after school special that I become once a month. It’s an old and tired existence.

No good kids I need to take my own advice and be good. I need to do the romantic gestures not just think about them. As many steps as I take forward I have to work on not taking steps back.

I’ll be working towards complete forgiveness. Flaca will be up for sainthood by the time she’s done with me.

cause if i take that drink i might as well just die

the beast within is beating at the cages. It is stalking back and forth frothing just under the surface. Frothing at the mouth. Anxious. Nervous THIRSTY!! 

come on come out one drink will not kill you. How much trouble can you get in.

the monster stretches. Throwing itself against the bars.

stop being a pussy. Just come on.

The cons of testing self induced boundaries. WAY too many

you never go out.

And when I do all hell breaks loose. and y'all are no where to help pick up the pieces

last week you were looking to go out for a drink.

Not tonight. The risk is not worth it.

You are lame.

I’d rather be lame and happily married then in the ER again. You don’t know what the disgusting beast does.

You suck.

Yes I do. I will not regret going home. I will not regret walking around target by myself looking for a gift to surprise her.

People just don’t understand

Shit gotta catch the train

She’ll be home tomorrow and things will be good again

Celebrate our disarray on co dependence day

I am a mess. My whole operating systems are off. Flaca is out of town until tomorrow morning and life is just about as miserable as it gets. You’re probably wondering when did she leave. The answer is yesterday morning before I woke up. I woke up and things were off. All of my conversations have been off for the passed thirty hours. Luckily I was able to commute in with my kind and caring M.I.L. so the ride in wasn’t bad and at work I’m able to keep myself just busy enough but I feel lost. See Flaca and I talk many times via e-mail throughout the day. After a rough day at work she is usually at the train station greeting me with that big gorgeous smile, which is a great sign that the day is over, and the fun can begin. Well yesterday I got to the train station and then had to sit on the train by myself. I had finished the paper during the day so I had no one to talk to. I went and did a workout so that killed some time. The night was terrible.

I ate too late at night and washed it down with a coke. See I can’t drink coke after nine because then I am up all night. So last night I couldn’t sleep couldn’t get comfortable because Flaca was not there to kick my leg over, habit she hates but dang it’s comfortable) When I did sleep I had the most bizarre dreams. But I felt like I was waking up every fifteen minutes. So now I’m tired, crabby and missing my wife.

(Flaca just called to check in. Have I mentioned that I love this chick)?

I’m not a hundred percent sure when I became so dependent on flaca being around non-stop. I just know I’m way happier when she’s around. Luckily she comes back tomorrow early in the morning.

We are celebrating our first anniversary this weekend. The gift I got her so far is weak so I’ll be making a trip to Orland Mall tonight to see if I can get her a little something nicer. We are going to eat dinner at the South Shore Cultural Center tomorrow night so that should be pretty freaking awesome. 

I took Monday off try not and miss me too much. To all you single people I don’t expect you to understand my whining about missing my wife when she’s gone just over twenty-four hours. I will tell you that she is the kind of girl that love songs are written about.

Be good out there. Find someone to adore this weekend. Ladies turn the crazy down for the weekend

Tootles

I strum my guitar and I sing an outlaw love song

Wick saw Flaca across the barroom. She was way overdressed for an event that was taking place at the bar that he and his friend had grown up in. He was dressed in a jumpsuit and drinking recklessly. The next day he was going to be screening the most recent movie he and his crew had filmed over the course of the last few months. PBR and shots of Power’s Whiskey had Wick feeling extra confident. Wick’s roommate had told him that the girl he was dating at the time had invited a few friends to the event. Wick brushed it off, if that troll was bringing friends they were more likely than not going to be equally appalling and most likely even more annoying especially if they were hanging out in a group in his favorite little dingy bar. But when Flaca walked in Wick could not believe it, this girl was really hot. Trying to play it cool he said hello and disappeared into the crowd. All of the other jerk ass guys at the bar flocked around Flaca. Wick stood in the corner eyeing her trying to figure out a way to make it known that he wanted to talk to her. Each time he saw a guy making progress Wick would find a reason to be near pulling out not so discreet cock block moves. If one person was going to get this girls number it was going to be Wick. As time clicked off the clock the only thing the PBR and whiskey had accomplished was getting Wick liquored up his confidence had not risen above white boy dancing around the room. Wick notice Flaca was getting ready to go. He raced across the room and somehow managed to get her phone number. Flaca promised Wick she would meet him at the five o’clock bar that he was heading to; she just wanted to stop home real quick.

Within minutes of watch Flaca leave in the cab Wick started calling the number to see if she was already at the next bar. Throughout the night and into early morning Wick called Flaca checking to see if she was still coming to the bar. Wick drifted to sleep in the early morning light, he had a big day ahead of him and would need to be able to talk to strangers for hours at a time. Some time around noon Wick woke up in a panic in his little room, he picked up his phone to see who he may have called the night before. Flashing in his face was Flaca’s phone number; he looked at the history one call at four forty am .ten seconds. Wick let out a sigh of relief and started his day.

Later in the day as he sat eating a meal between the screening of his film a call came from Flaca she informed home that he had called twenty five times and she eventually just turned off the phone. She was not going to be able to make the screening since she was hung over and tired due to listening to the phone ringing for most of the night and enjoying the drink package at the bar. Wick apologized for his rudeness and asked her if he would be able to call her another time maybe like the next day at around six, Flaca said yes Wick promised to only call once with a forced weak laugh. Flaca laughed easily.

Wick hung up the phone.

Maybe he did have a chance with this chick after all.

There are a few lessons here.

1. Persistence pays off. If you are quirky and kind of cute like Wick
2. Don’t always go with the obvious choice when selecting your spring fling ladies
3. Sometimes a spring fling can lead to awesomeness
4. League Smeage it’s a level playing field out there
5. Persistence pays off. If you are quirky and kind of cute like Wick
   

He ain't heavy, he's my brother.

Today is my baby brother’s birthday. Next to Flaca he is the coolest person I have ever met in my entire life. Of course we do not always see eye-to-eye butt he is legitimately one of the greatest people I have had the pleasure of spending some quality time with. He has been my best friend for my entire life. If you have had the pleasure of meeting him you already know the awesome quality that flows out of this chill little guy. He has an awesome ability to get along with pretty much anyone that he bumps into. If he tells you someone is a douche bag then that person must really have some bad qualities. He is an amazing judge of character. Although we have grown up and become very different people in our adult costumes I still feel like a little kid when I talk to him on the phone, which I am lucky enough to do on a regular basis. Some of my greatest memories come from just hanging out with him walking around and talking nonstop for hours on end. In fact sometimes as I walk through down town I think of him and how we used to work together delivering groceries, he was the driver and I was his helper. Those workdays were so much fun. I learned a lot about navigating my way around down town from him in those days. Of course a year later when I got my own route I would get lost all the time and rely on him to come and bail me out.

As we get older and our lives continue to change I still look forward to talkining wih him on the phone. I love hearing stories about how crazy his son is and I’m curious to see what kind of hell his daughter is going to put him through. I look forward to the day when Flaca and I start having children and I can talk to him about the things that scare the hell out of me. Even though he is my younger brother there are times when he takes the lead and talks me through the tough times. He’s pretty rad. It must run in the family

Switching gears to the daily grind, I am in a great mood this morning. As Flaca, my M.I.L. and I fought our way through he fog to get down to work we all had a grand old time laughing and chatting it up the whole way in. The highlight of my week up to now has to be walking down the street with Flaca in the early morning chill as she sings the opening lines of You Make me Feel- by Aretha Franklin singing both the lead and background vocals. So freaking cute. Amazing!

Alright to the bank and then to work. Have a great day and tell someone how much they rock your world. Be great out there and put off being mad for another day.

Pieces

You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works

I am obsessed with time. I am constantly counting down to something anything. I am always racing against some imaginary clock. Most of the time I find a sense of relief in this. It seems to go so much against the way I was when I was a younger version of the old grumpy man I am today. I am a little on edge because I am waiting to see if I get called for an orientation for that job that I am trying to get. I have been looking around and doing research to see if I can get an idea of when I can ideally expect to hopefully get a call. At this point it if the information I am collecting is right I can hope to get a call by September 28. That is if I did as good as I am hoping and I am invited to go to the October academy, which is suppose to start around mid October, if I am not invited to that then hopefully the November. So hopefully that works out. But for now I have my phone propped up on my desk and I am glancing at it every three and a half seconds.

This upcoming Sunday I will be celebrating my first year anniversary to the beautiful, kind, and funny Flaca. Of course being the genius I am I haven’t planned anything yet but luckily for me she is heading out of town for a few days before the weekend so I should be able to put a little something together. I need to go with something low key due to budget constraints but I also want it to be something that will make her swoon a little. You see I am not always the most romantic of guys out here. I have romantic tendencies but my laziness often retards the execution of the gesture. Hopefully something will come along that helps this little nerd make the day at least a little enjoyable for my wifey.

Oh and how do you make friends with couples without it being weird? The only couple we get along with is her sister and her husband. But when they have plans we are stuck in a spot of doing things just us. I mean I see other groups of people going out and having fun how do we find a group like that. Like two weekends ago we went to this beer-tasting thing, and it was fun and all but it probably would have been a hell of a lot more fun with a big group of people. Where do you find people that want to go try new restaurants, go to festivals, do anything. You know more than just go sit and a bar and drink your face off. There is a disconnect with almost all of the people I used to hang out with, it’s like when I hang out with them it really would not matter if I was there or not. Plus I don’t even find myself wanting to reach out to them to do stuff. Maybe I’ll go find myself some cool south side friends.

I don’t know, I’m tired it’s Monday and this third cup of office coffee is not waking me up it’s only making my tiny little old man bladder make me go to the bathroom every twenty three minutes. Dang make that twenty-two

OH OH, OH OH, OH ain't got no sense, OH OH, OH

My kryptonite is that I have only a twelfth grade education. I spent a little time at a junior college but then I got sucked into the working part of life. The idea that I could attend school where I was paying people to teach me things paled in comparison to making money. In the early days of my post high school years I had different jobs that paid slightly better than working some shit sandwich job in retail or in a food service job. Being the half assed lazy go-getter I was I was always chasing a paycheck. This probably would have been ok if I was better at my money management skills, but as it was I always spent the money as I made it. I mean sure I spent money on frivolous things but there was also always something I wanted. I come from a pretty decent sized family so after the hand me downs stop when I became the oldest I bought most of the stuff I wanted. But I never learned the investment part of money management. I would hide my money away just long enough to buy the $500.00 Jeep that was in it’s last leg or buy some insane amount of compact discs or record that was recently released by whatever my favorite band was at the time. My parents taught me that if I wanted something I would have to pay for it nothing in life was given to me. Which I still think is great to tell you the truth. But getting back to the beginning of this I wish I would have liked school more than just for the social aspects of the whole institution. I wish I had had the ability to sit and pay attention to learn something that could have set me up with a great career. But I didn’t. I know there is no going back and fixing it but they say it’s never too late to go to back to school.

I am looking into this to see that if things shake out the way I want them to I may enroll for classes at a school. Maybe. The only fear I have is running into people who feel they are intellectually superior to me. Which in some cases they probably will be, it’s not really that hard. I’m not a complete idiot or anything but if you read this thing regularly I’m sure it’s painful to read how grammatically horrible it is, and the spelling, DAGS even I have went back and read some of the entries and thought what kind of Mongoloid has written this craziness. I blame a good percentage of it on my horrible typing skills but some of it is just from laziness.

I’m not really sure where I wanted to go with this but I have to end it. Friday is here and that means there is sure to be some kind of adventure with Flaca over the weekend. Also we are nine days away from celebrating our first year anniversary so I guarantee that next week will be filled with ramblings of looking for the perfect gift and way to much raving about how in love with this woman I am.

So y’all have been warned. Now get in the pit AND TRY TO LOVE SOMEONE (duhna duhna duh)

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes saying AYO gotta let go

Kids things are getting very interesting over here. Yesterday I went in for my final interview for that job. The next thing I am waiting for is a call inviting me to orientation then ideally to academy. In the meantime I need to update some of my documents due to the move. The interview went amazingly great with very minimal rambling on and on without making much of a point. I’m still not sure of what the exact time line is but ideally I will start my new career path as soon as next month. I KNOW crazy right.

Meanwhile I have to keep my head in the game here, which is totally hard since I am out of my shorts excited about my potential release from Hotel California here. Of course that little negative voice is whispering in my ear not to get too excited, but it is very hard to not tell every single person of my escape plan. I’m also nervous about the potential of being denied the job because then I will look foolish to the people I have told about it. It would be the whole Fire Fighter shenanigans all over again. I still have some family that asks me how that is going. Ugh. But for now I’m going to coast on the high that my Shawshank Redemption dreams may come true. I can’t wait to tell my friends and family about this. Breaths in breathe out.

This morning I was thinking about how much my idea of what I was going to be when I grew up has changed since I have ummm errrr well sort of grown up. I remember being a kid and one of my aunts asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Without hesitation I looked at her and said a truck driver. I’m not sure how old I was but I thought the idea of driving around in those gigantic trucks all over the world would be a pretty awesome way to live. Then I got a little older and thought I wanted to be a comedian. I thought Jerry Lewis was the bomb, Steve Martin dancing around as King Toot or doing that bit with the arrow in his head or being half of the wild and crazy guys rocked my world and Eddie Murphy was the king of everything I thought comedy was. Do you remember when Eddie Murphy was funny? There was a brief period when I wanted to be a drummer but I never even asked my parents about doing that. Then there was the dream of becoming an actor, writer, and theater company owner, independent film person. Of course during all of the acting stuff I had jobs. In high school I went through more jobs than most people probably have in there entire lives. After high school I had a kickass job delivering groceries, which was the most fun job I have on my resume. Then I got my first office job and that changed the course of everything. I realized I couldn’t act but I could work behind the scene and every once in whiles sneak into a scence for a cameo. My office life has consisted of working at a place for two to three years then jumping to a new office job. Now I have been at this office for eight years. My next job will ideally be my non-college degree chance at a career. But who knows maybe I’ll get this job and find out it stinks just like every other job on my long list of job. But I have to try; I have to believe there is something out there for me.

After missing a day I’m behind on my TPS reports. Be good out there kids stay in school don’t do drugs. Spay and neuter yourself and keep on keeping on.

I used to talk to cab drivers but now I just don't bother

I no longer get carded when I go out. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper and I have the crow’s feet around my eyes. My shaving ritual also now includes spending a fair amount of time trimming and plucking gross hairs out of my nose. I have dark hair growing out of my ears that luckily so far Flaca helps me trim down since I am not coordinated enough to trim it on my own without growing frustrated. My hairline is slowly creeping back and in a recent discovery by Flaca there are sections of my hair that are starting to turn grey. By starting to turn I mean it is obvious that there are big gray sections. I went and shaved off all of my hair again but you can still tell where the gray is taking up residency. Being the good wife that Flaca is she has tried to calm me down about it and comparing me to these big time actors that have gone gray but those actors are in their fifties and I am clocking in at thirty-five. It’s not so much the gray coming in that bothers me it’s the hairline receding from my head and growing out my nostrils and ear canals. They never explained this to me in health class. Well I guess they did tell me that I would notice hair growing where hair was not growing before.

The weekend was pretty fun. On Saturday Flaca and I went to the fest of sorts over at Toyota Park and drank some super awesome beers for a few hours. It was a lot of fun and I hope we can do it again next year. Flaca’s not much of a beer drinker and it an awesome twist of fate she was selected to take part in a beer tasting competition. With a little help from another contestant she won a ten-dollar gift card to a BBQ place so that was cool.  Wee ended up back at her parent’s house and I felt like kids that had broken into the liquor cabinet all drunk off our butts trying to behave. Luckily for us her parents were out for he night so we were able to be a little noisey.

Yesterday I went over by my dad’s to watch the Bears game. It was awesome and I had a whole lot of fun. The weird thing is as I see my dad he doesn’t look like he’s getting older. He looks like the same age he has for the passed ten years. I guess there’s some magic in those PBR and Old Style cans he drinks.

Time to get to the freaking TPS reports. Be good out there kids

beat on the brat

I am in an annoyed mood today. My short fuse is just a little shorter than it normally is. I want to snap on someone and I’m sure it will be someone that does not deserve it. I am about forty-five minutes into my workday and people are already working my nerves. Being the interweb tough guy I am I already sent an e-mail to a client explaining that they are an idiot in a long drawn out e-mail that I most likely should not have hit send on. But I just don’t care today. I want to get into an argument with someone that ends with things said that cannot be taken back. The kind of argument that even though you become friends again later on you think back to the argument you think “man I can’t believe that guy said that” I want to yell at people for not doing their jobs, I want to yell even more at the people that say “it’s not my job” I want to tell people exactly what’s on my mind. I want to push the close door button on the elevator when I see a person running toward the elevator. I want to sit at my desk and read the paper.  I want to tell people that their problems are annoying. I want to tell that guy that his $0.50 words do not impress anyone. I want to tell people they are wrong and I am right even though I am more likely than not actually wrong. I want to not care about other people’s feelings at all. I want to throw all the dirty dishes in the work kitchen sink in the garbage. I want to tell people to mind their own fucking business after interrupting their conversation with unrelated questions. I want to tell the annoying/creepy guy to talk quieter on the phone. I want to tell that same guy to straighten up and get his life back together. I don’t want to feel bad/sorry for him everyday.

But I won’t, because I’m a quiet little nerd who sits at his desk and stares at the clock waiting for 4:15 to come around. A quick trip to the gym today should hopefully snap me out of this funk fest I’m in today. Waking up those few minutes before the alarm went off really seems to have caused me to want to be a real shit head today. Hopefully this day turns around if not I’m heading right for the fart sack when I get back to the in-laws tonight.

Oh and that series finale of Rescue Me. Booo!!! I fought sleep to watch that and was totally let down and totally tricked by the beginning.

Ugh.

Be good out there kids and don’t let the assholes get y’all down. Only twelve hours till it’s acceptable to go to sleep, yep punk rock princess here over and out

To live my life as it's meant to be

Last night as I lay there watching the bonus feature footage for the movie super, Flaca awoke to warn me not to stay up too late because I would be very tired today. I shrugged my shoulders and decided yes I should probably go to sleep. Well guess what, today I am so freaking tired that I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open. The weekend was pretty laid back and fun. Friday we chilled out and Flaca made homemade calzones for everybody. Saturday I went to a BBQ at this guys house near where I used to live and on Sunday we went to this big fest in Indiana with Flaca’s Mom, Dad and little sister who was in for the weekend.

Saturday I kind of got annoyed while hanging out with my peeps. When I arrived my one friend asked how living on the suburbs was. I snidely answered no different from living three blocks from you.  Besides the extra long commutes and not walking around he house in my birthday suit not much HAS really changed as far as seeing my acquaintances. I think I have complained here before about how the people that I call friends have absolutely no interest in the same things I do. I was bound to the group of people I used to hang out with through filmmaking and drinking. While we all went on hiatus to get married it seems like the filmmaking is stalling to start up again. I’m wondering if that will ever start up again. I mean people are having their kids, which makes me wonder what the future holds.

How do you even meet new people when you are in your thirties without it being weird? How do I meet people who are into running or any of the goofy things I’m into at the same level I am? I’m going to try and make some acquaintances while I am on the south side. Saturday Flaca and I found a running store over on Western that has a running club, I’m going to try and head over there and see if I can start running with some people. I’m hoping they are not as snotty as some of the running clubs on the north side.

Fall is coming at me fast, I’m going to have to get into some kind of workout routine set up so I don’t get stuck in my seasonal rut. Luckily Flaca is around to make sure I stay active and not let me get to negative. I love this chick! She’s pretty F’n amazing if I do say so myself. Anyone that has anything negative to say about her should meet me behind the gym after school so I can prompt fatten your lip.

If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain

Last night I sat the closest I have ever been to the field for a Bears game. Many people will brush off preseason as not counting but from the seats I sat in last night it was freaking awesome. It was also very bizarre to watch a football game and be sweating as much as I was. If you remember from another sports story early in baseball season I went to a baseball game and nearly froze my testitcals off so I guess it would make sense that I go to a football game and sweat the boys off.

We arrived at Soldiers Field very early and enjoyed a Subway dinner in the nice air-conditioned car. The one and only Flaca brought this brilliant idea to you. We went into the stadium to walk around and find our seats being that we were there three hours early we had plenty of time to walk around and look at stuff and take goofy pictures of me doing some of my standard issue goofy things. We walked around the concourse and I was floored by how expensive everything is. Every single beer is at least $8 dollars or higher, a polish is like $7 and pops are like $5. How do people ever bring their families to these games? I guess there is the tailgating option but they also totally take advantage of you the Accused style just to park your car. It makes sense how people get there and BBQ and drink a lot before going in to the stadium because … well you see where I’m going it is expensive. Maybe in the past I never noticed because I was a few beers deep before getting to the stadium but dang going there sober had me clutching onto my wallet not so much scared of pickpockets but scared that my money would foolishly be spent on Chicago Bears swag, over priced beer, and even more over priced food. I have always been weirdly cheap but now I have the age to back up the “this used to cost $4 to $5 dollars” old man speak. Hopefully I will make a trip back during regular season, but I’m pretty sure that I’ll watch many games ant my Pop’s house where the PBR flows like wine and there is always plenty of food to eat. Which is usually a hell of a lot more fun too.

Our commute back to Flaca’s parents did go very smoothly and I actually got to sleep around my regular time. Today I’m going to the dentist to see if I can continue my decade long cavity free streak. One of the bonuses of having braces for so many years are I am very obsessive compulsive about keeping my teeth clean. That and if you ever saw my biological mother’s teeth or my older brothers teeth you too would be scared into brushing every day twice a day with all the other suggested maintenance that they always suggest.

Enjoy the longer weekend kids and don’t do any expensive drugs, you never know when that will come up in a job interview.

Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!

I am totally stoner hungry today, which is strange because I am totally not down with the whole smoking pot way of thinking. I know that smoking pot is harmless and all of the arguments that go with it but I could care less about the pot smokers out there. I’ve talked about it before y’all annoy the shit out of me so take your bong go sit on your beanbag chair play video games and listen to Phish, Kyuss, Clutch or if your one of those old fart hippy types rock out to your Cream, Doobie Brothers or Zeppelin. Just keep it away from me I’m not interested, but I will try some of the craft brew you came up with. Anyway …ummm… uh so yeah today I am eating nonstop. I have some healthy snacks that I could have eaten but I decided to hit the store downstairs and grabbed a bag of Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos and gigantic Twix, I almost rounded out this visit with a bag of Fritos but I cut myself off, no need to fall that far off the health wagon. I scarfed down those cheetos like someone was going to steal then from me. I’m holding out on eating the Twix.

In consumption news I will talk about the intoxicant that I do partake it every once in a while…. Booze. For most of my life I have been a lower shelf beer drinker, P.B.R., Old Style, High Life, Schlitz and even a Hamm or Two. But within the passed year I have been trying many different beers, and have even grown to like certain brewers a whole hell of a lot. I am still in my experimental phases but a funny thing happened the other day. I had a Miller Lite and it tasted horrible, like horrible to where I was grimacing and barely able to finish it and a couple of the others that followed. I started to wonder if I had yuppied up my taste buds too much. Last Friday I went out to lunch and nervously ordered a High Life, much to my happiness it tasted super awesome and was just what I wanted on a sweaty balls hot Friday. But now I’m curious was it just some bad miller late or if I now either only want to drink the classics or the fancy pants IPAs that I have been downing.

I know it’s a rough life I live. If you want you can send me any product from Lagunitas Brewing Co. (www.lagunitas.com) to drown my misery in, I think that will help me make it through this rough time in my beer drinking experiment.

I also am open to suggestions for beers to try.

Pre Season Bears game tonight with Flaca. Tomorrow should be a long annoying day be ready for some whining about how tired I am.

Stay thirsty my friends.