my heart was beating like a jungle drum

This Saturday I will have the joy of heading out to Rockford Illinois to hang out with my extended family for the wedding of one of my cousins. I remember a time when I would get so excited to go to one of these weddings. They were always a blast with everybody celebrating like crazy and drunkenly dancing around like maniacs screaming and shouting at each other how much they loved each other and how we all needed to hang out more often. Lately the weddings have not been so much fun it seems to me. At my wedding last year most of my family spent the whole time outside smoking and only coming in to grab drinks. Some of my family was inside and in a truly great moment in my life I danced to a few random songs with my dad. My wedding was a blast and to me  as so many people say it went by so freaking quick. The whole day was a dizzying blur.

I remember waking up on my parents couch and thinking today is the day it all becomes official, we had been dating for 5 years and I had already been calling her my wife for three years. Waiting to talk to her until I saw her was one of the hardest parts of my day; you see I talk to my wife in some form a lot throughout the day. Waiting till 2:00 pm was hell on earth. My groomsmen met me at my parent’s house and I realized that although they were great friends there were other people that should have been filling at least two of the positions. But it was cool they were good enough friends and they did the very minimum required. But that’s not important to this. Where was I?

On this day I felt an emotion I have never felt before, I would get these rushes of panic, happiness, excited ness and worry. This happened nonstop all day but kicked into a higher gear when I got into the church. I would get these rushes where it seemed like I was going to start bawling my eyes out. I would calm down joke around with my brother, who was the best man there could ever be, but then I would get overwhelmed again and just kind of need to be by myself. As I stood at the front of the church and watched her come down I lost it a few times. She was cool as cucumber salad of course the whole time. But you can see/hear me in the wedding video shaky voiced barely able to breath trying to make my way through the ceremony. As soon as the ceremony was over and we were in our tiny school bus off to the reception I was back to my normal goofy self. But that one hour of church time I was a ball of nerves just waiting to COMPLETELY lose my shit I’m glad the floodgates never fully opened. There is a funny part where my wife reaches into her dress and pulls out a Kleenex so I can do a quick clean up from the snot that was starting to run down my face.

The reception was fun and a few surprises were pulled off. I have been happy to see some of the pictures lately and catch a few people truly helping us enjoy ourselves. We are still paying for that huge party. YIKES!! Buit of course it was worth every stinking penny.

So yeah I wonder how the wedding in Rockford will be