take a bite outta crime

Disturbing news out of Old Irving Park has just been brought to my attention from the super awesome kids I kindly refer to as Ma and Pops. At some point during the day today a person or people broke into my parents garage and made off with about six or seven 30 packs of PBR/Old Style and a few twelve packs of pop. NOTHING ELSE was taken as far as my ma could see, all the tools and other crap they have in the garage was still there. But my poor pop’s happy juice is nowhere to be seen. I’m sure you are saying why was there so much beer there why was it not stored safely in the house where beer belongs. Well it turns out that beer was on sale so my mom stocked up a healthy supply being the kind considerate wife that she is. Before you start calling my old man a drunk a lot of people also visit and help him drink through his tasty beer supply.

So now my dad is in the yard fixing the door that these heartless criminals kicked in to get to his liquid treasure, I’m sure he is dying of thirst. (Not really he was enjoying a cold Old Style as my mom told me of the burglary) Everything is fine my parents just wish they could figure out how absolutely no one saw people walking in and out of their yard making off with the Booze and Pop, not 2be confused with me calling my dad Pops.

They think the perps may be neighborhood kids who may have somehow known that the beer was there, or these two heshers that they always see cruising the alleys by their house. The funny thing about it possibly being heshers is my mom said I think it was these two guys that look like your older brother, who is definitely a hesher.

So yeah kids be careful out there people are stealing hard working peoples Pabst Blue Ribbon and then most likely recycling them taking that money and buying smokes. Cigarettes maybe even a bag of the funny stuff Marijuana.

Something just occurred to me what if it was some hipsters from Logan Square, Wicker Park or Buck… nah those arms are not strong enough to carry 30 packs.It had to be heshers or northwest side kiddies having a summer party.JERKS

Be good out there kids and watch out for one another. Call your moms and dads.